Have you ever travelled somewhere you loved and thought, I could see myself living here one day? Either to experience a new culture, or, like in my case, for love. Many people decide to move to different countries for various reasons, but I never thought I would ever move abroad. I love Canada. I was happy there. But sometimes life takes you to new places you couldn’t have imagined. This is my story about what I have experienced over the past few years. Including the great, the good, and the not-so-good.
I wasn’t sure where or how to start, and after a while I thought, well, why not from the very beginning, and with complete honesty? So, here it is: my story in Switzerland.
The first year of living abroad was worse than my worst nightmare. I will forever hold 2019 and 2020 in my memory, and not just because of COVID. It was a turbulent year for all of us, but I had my ups and downs for other reasons. I was filled with love, happiness, regret, anxiety, fear, loneliness – basically, a lot of confusion. Moving to another country is not all smiles, and I went through many different emotions. But the experience has taught me that these emotions are all part of the journey. I tried my best to hide behind a wall at the beginning and tell everyone I was doing great for as long as I could. I didn’t want to admit to anyone how much I was struggling. Why? Not to sound negative, not to sound like a complainer, to look brave. I even thought I wasn’t strong enough to handle it.
If this sounds familiar, I can tell you with absolute certainty that one day you will probably realize that it’s time to accept these emotions and just be yourself. It’s time to share the ups as well as the downs with your favourite people. We have a tendency to think that opening up and talking about our feelings and difficult times is a sign of weakness, but it’s the complete opposite. Is everything always great and perfect? Of course not! Someone very important in my life once told me that it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to complain or vent about the same stuff over and over again until you are okay. She actually said this to me quite a few times. That’s why I love her! (And for so many other reasons, of course).
Surprisingly, I have learned a lot about myself over the last three years. I discovered that I love writing. I used to have problems sleeping when I first moved to Switzerland. For several months, actually. There were too many thoughts going through my mind, I guess, and I felt like my brain was working 24/7 at times. So, one day, I started putting these thoughts down on paper. I can’t remember exactly what motivated me to do this, but it helped, so I kept going. These thoughts eventually turned into my entire story.
And here I am today, sharing that story. At first, the thought of doing this was a little scary, but I simply knew I had to.
With this story, I hope I’m able to inspire a few of you. Just like some of you have inspired me to work harder and to be more positive and patient with myself throughout this new adventure.
It’s been three years since I moved to Switzerland. Three full years since I left Calgary, my home for 21 years. I often tell my close friends and family about what’s going on in my life and what I’m thinking or feeling, but I now want to share what the first 24 months were really like while I was going through a ridiculous amount of change all at once. As you already know, I moved to Switzerland and got married to my husband, Marc. I started learning German. We moved into our new home almost two years ago and we absolutely love it. I got to travel a lot with Marc and create many new wonderful memories. But the happy and exciting moments also come with challenges. It’s not all perfect. A few people have even told me how envious they were about our great adventures. And I would tell them, yes, it’s true, Switzerland is a beautiful country, and I have had the chance to discover many amazing new places. But Facebook pictures only show one part of the journey.
I remember having lunch with Marc and an old friend of ours just a few days before my big move to Switzerland in June 2019. I told him how excited I was and how positive I felt about everything. But what I remember the most is one comment he made. He said, “Wow – that’s major!” For some reason, it really stuck with me, but I didn’t fully understand why at the time. Probably because of all the excitement. But it made me think a lot. I knew that moving from Canada to Switzerland would be challenging for obvious reasons, such as learning a new language, learning a new culture, being far away from home and adapting to a new life, but I wasn’t really worried. I felt prepared, I was excited. I even thought I would learn German within the first six months. After all, I learned English pretty fast back when I was 15, so I thought, it can’t be that difficult. But these were two completely different situations, and I know that now. That was mistake number one.
I had been to Switzerland three times prior to my move and loved it. Marc and I even said to each other how similar Canada and Switzerland were. That’s what we thought, anyway. It turns out we were wrong. Mistake number two. There are more differences than we ever imagined. Going to Switzerland for a visit and living there are two entirely different things. Reality hit me like a brick wall once I arrived, and just a few days after the move, I thought to myself, “Wow – this is major.” That comment was finally making perfect sense. And yes, culture shock is real. I remember feeling overwhelmed about so many little things: everything was written in German, without English translations, the roads were so narrow, I couldn’t get my Tim’s coffee at almost every corner anymore, and I had just given up my 403 number, which I had since I was 18. You might think it all sounds a bit silly, but I was really struggling at that moment.
The experience of moving to another country cannot be described in words. Deciding to make the big move was the easy part, and the paperwork was easy, too. Packing my life in 10 Walmart bins didn’t seem too difficult, either. In fact, it made me realize just how much random, unnecessary stuff I had accumulated over the years and never used. I definitely think twice before I purchase anything now.
Not long after I moved to Switzerland, I knew that the most difficult journey of my life was about to begin. I had no idea what was coming, and I was completely terrified. I didn’t feel prepared anymore. I didn’t know if I would like it or not, if I would be able to adapt to a different culture. And I didn’t have my support system anymore. I was so used to having friends, family, co-workers around me, who just understood me without having to explain myself. I guess we don’t always understand how important our support system is until it’s gone. And on top of that, I had to learn to get out of my comfort zone on a full-time basis and forget about everything that was familiar.
I clearly recall going for a walk shortly after I moved here to get to know my new neighborhood. Unfortunately, I also remember the awful feeling I got that day. I was on my way home, and I looked over the mailboxes by our old apartment. Three women from our building were standing there having a conversation. As soon as they saw me, their conversation immediately stopped. Instead, I became their main focus. All three women were staring at me in a very obvious way, as if I were from a different planet. And I’m talking about the long stare. After a few awkward seconds, I realized they were evidently talking about me. They didn’t say hello – they were just staring and gossiping – and I completely froze. I mean, a quick greeting or even a smile would have given me a totally different feeling. I probably would have felt welcomed. Instead, that moment made me think, “What am I doing here?” I mean, talk about feeling like you don’t belong. Of course, I would react in a different way if something like this happened today, but everything was so new to me at the time. I later found out that the women knew exactly who I was and that I had just moved from Canada, which made the situation that much more frustrating for me.
In another instance, I remember meeting Marc’s friends and thinking how they had all known each other for so long, how the friend groups had been established for years. I was looking for ways to fit in, but I couldn’t even understand their language. I felt like a complete outsider. That, alone, was one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. I had to start over at 39 years old! This was also the moment I realized that I had left my whole world behind. My friends, my family, the job I loved, my “normal” life. In fact, nothing felt “normal” anymore, and I knew how much work I would need to put in in order to make it here. I also had to be realistic about the fact that not everyone would get me, and not everyone would accept me or like me. After being here for three years, I now feel okay about this. I just have to be. But when I first moved to Switzerland, I was far from okay with it. I remember bringing this issue up with my best friend – who, by the way, is the most wonderful, thoughtful, supportive, beautiful person both inside and out, and I don’t know what I would do without her. She said to me, “I love you, but let’s be honest here – no one except for Marc knows the real Peggy over there. The real YOU. It’s going to be difficult.”
And she was right. Only one person really knew me and understood what I was going through. The effort that has to be made to communicate what you mean when you say something, to fit in and to present yourself in a way that reflects your true self, becomes exhausting after a while. I wanted my new friends and family to understand the sadness and loneliness I was feeling. Not to feel sorry for me – the last thing I wanted was to sound like a complainer. I just wanted them to understand what this meant for me. After all, who doesn’t want to be heard and understood?
I missed the simplicity of “normal” life, like knowing where to go to get groceries, driving to work, making plans with friends, and just knowing how to get from point A to B without having to think about it. Yes, you read this right, I missed driving to work! And I missed flying so, so much. I will always remember this strange feeling I had at the beginning – I went from being around hundreds of different people every week at work, to feeling isolated. Everything had become a challenge, and nothing was simple anymore. I felt useless – like I was being sent back to Grade One to relearn everything. I felt like a complete outsider in a small town that was supposed to be my new home. I felt stupid for not knowing how to do simple things – something as simple as doing laundry, for example. There’s no such thing as a light, medium or heavy load here. I remember standing in front of the washing machine and thinking, what buttons do I need to press? None of it made sense.
The language barrier was one of the most frustrating things for me. It still is, actually. I made the decision to start language school very quickly, which was probably one of the best things I could have done. Not only would this make my life easier once I learned enough German to get by, but it was also giving me the opportunity to have a routine again – the opportunity to meet other people in the same situation as me and create new friendships. Once I started school, I felt like I belonged a little bit more, and I felt less lonely. I would learn a few new words each day, and then I would try to practise at the grocery store or with my classmates. But when someone would hear my accent, they would almost always start speaking English to me. This was sometimes a relief, to be honest, especially at the beginning – but as I learned more German, I felt like I would never improve or learn fast enough. So, Marc and I started chatting in German for about 30 minutes every day. About what I learned in school, about his day at work, about the weather – anything to get me speaking. 30 minutes might not sound like a lot, but it is. You tend to overthink everything and just want to get it right. I got plenty of headaches while trying to focus on the grammar, the different rules and attempting to make sense of it all. And then, suddenly, it happened. I could understand more and more, and I was able to have basic conversations. Being able to read and understand ads or news headlines felt rewarding.
About eight or nine months after I moved to Switzerland, I met some wonderful people in the town we were living in at the time. We connected immediately. I now call them friends, and I wish we could have met during the first week I moved here. In fact, I often wondered why they didn’t come across my path right at the beginning. Things would have been much simpler with them around. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and it was meant to happen this way. One thing I know for sure, is that building these new friendships increased my sense of belonging.
What comes next was difficult to write about, but I thought it was important to share. It was tough because this affected me emotionally, mentally, and even physically, for a long time. But I decided to write about my story, and this is part of it – so I couldn’t leave it out. Sadly, not everyone wanted to see me succeed here. In fact, some people wanted to see me fail. It’s a sad truth, but it’s reality. I have learned a lot about people these past few years – about a nasty side of human behaviour. The disrespect I felt from certain people is shocking. It made me angry for a long time, and it still frustrates me sometimes, but I tried to look at the whole situation from a different angle. If anything, this frustration gave me motivation, and one more reason to succeed. I never surrendered. Deep down, I always knew I belonged here with Marc, and there was no way I was ever going to give that up, as hard as it was at times. Unfortunately, not everyone gave me a chance to show what kind of person I really am and what I have to offer. Some people chose to ignore me, judge me, or simply not like me. I can’t even count the number of times I walked into a room and felt absolutely invisible. Everyone wants to feel accepted by others, but unfortunately, unfairness and judgment without knowing the true facts about someone are very much a thing. I had never experienced anything like it before. The reasons for this behaviour? I’m not really sure. And yes, of course I would like to know – but at the same time, I have realized that some things are better left unsaid. Not everything can be fixed. Because of this experience, I now choose how and who I share my time with very carefully. I focus on the people who add something positive to my life.
Over time, I became less worried about the next change, and about what people might say about me. Today, I know who my true friends and family are – the ones who will stick around during the good and bad times, and have done so much for me. The ones who welcomed me at the Zurich airport the day I got here, who showed me how to get around when I had no clue where to start, who did so much for our wedding and travelled over six hours to be here for our big day, and who helped me find a new hairdresser just a month before the wedding.
It’s the moments and memories that remind me who my people are, too: coming home to a table full of rosé, Canadian beer and balloons on my 40th birthday when there was absolutely nothing to do because of COVID. The surprise packages at Christmas, filled with Canadian goodies. The random texts just to say hi, let’s catch up, or can I check in on you? The friends who take time out of their busy schedules to FaceTime almost every week. The phone dates just to talk about anything. It’s the little things. I will never forget them, and I appreciate all of you more than you probably know.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I was going through this difficult period and doubting pretty much everything, my level of patience for negativity decreased dramatically – which was wonderful to learn. I knew exactly what I wanted and what I didn’t want, and what I needed in order to make a life here. And a happy one. I didn’t want to be anything less than me just to fit in or please certain people. Changing who you are only works for so long, and it definitely doesn’t result in happiness. So that’s what I did: I followed my instincts, made some drastic changes, and decided to be exactly who I was. Some changes were easy, some not – but that’s life, as harsh as it sounds. Only you can give yourself the happiness you deserve, no one else will do it for you. And not everyone will understand why you choose to do what you do, but that’s okay. It’s your journey, not theirs. I found a quote by Catherine Pulsifer a while ago, which I had to write down: “It takes effort and belief to persevere and stay dedicated to accomplish your goal. When you find yourself doubting whether the effort is worth it, visualize how you will feel and what you will have once your goal is completed.”
Another thing I realized is how proud I am to be Canadian. I remember trying to change a few things about myself at the beginning just to fit in. Worst idea ever. As soon as I let that pressure go and chose to just be myself, things took a turn for the best. For one, I stopped caring so much when people would stare at me. I just let them stare, and moved on. Whether they looked at my hair or my clothes, if they liked it or not, if they wondered where I’m from – it doesn’t matter anymore. I also chose to embrace the fact that as a Canadian, I have so many great traditions to share. Canada will always be home for me, but Switzerland is now a part of who I am today. And I discovered that there are many wonderful things about Switzerland: fantastic food (although very expensive), incredible service wherever you go, and the cleanliness is unbelievable. I love how many great hiking trails there are, and the mountains are just a short driving distance away. In fact, everything is so close – going to Germany for a weekend is that easy. We can go for a hike or a bike ride in November without worrying about snow. And the best part: no more -30-degree weather! (Although, as much as I don’t miss the extreme cold, I must admit that I do miss snowy Canadian winters).
The last three years have been an emotional rollercoaster, that’s for sure. I was pushed to my limits like never before. I lost a lot, but I also gained a lot. Mistakes kept coming, one after the other, but they have helped me grow. I’m learning to embrace them and not get so frustrated when they occur. My work is absolutely not over, but I truly believe that the most difficult part of this journey is now behind me. I feel confident again, and I’m ready for the next thing that comes our way. I always remind myself as to why I’m here in the first place – what brought me here. And that’s simple. To be with the love of my life! I would never have moved across the Atlantic Ocean for anyone else. I used to wish that someone could have told me how hard it was going to be, how hard I was going to have to fight. Until I realized that some things are just meant to be discovered on your own. To learn from my own experiences and mistakes really opened my mind, and no one could have taught me that. You can never be fully prepared for the ride until you are in it.
Who knows, if someone had told me about all the challenges and emotions that would follow a big move like this, I probably would have asked Marc to move to Canada instead. Sure, everything would have been easier, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I chose this journey for a reason, and I’m so thankful to have had this incredible life experience.
The last few years have allowed me to discover a new side of myself, and have given me the opportunity to pursue my coaching journey. A journey I’m extremely excited and passionate about!
Posted August 2022
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